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  I was losing myself, and couldn’t even decide what was better, the light or the darkness. Both had their terrors, both so unwelcoming.

  “Come on, Jackson… just sleep,” I told myself. There was nothing else for me here, and I didn’t want to leave Olivia again. I definitely didn’t want to be a part of the waking world either. I reached behind the couch and brought out a bottle I kept hidden there. Vodka was labeled on the front of the clear bottle. I rarely used it as a sleep agent, but it was never more necessary than tonight. I took three gulps, trying to hold by breathe, stopped, recovered, and chugged some more. It burned so hot. Why anyone would drink this for anything but sleep was beyond me. Putting the top back on, I shoved the empty bottle beneath the couch and laid back. It took several minutes of impatient waiting, but the vodka finally hit back, hard. It would have taken me off my feet if I wasn’t already down for the count. I relaxed, feeling the liquid slosh around inside me. Soon enough, shapes contorted while the world begun to slow down. I closed my eyes and folded into myself. I slept for the first time in days, and didn’t dream once.

  A heavy knocking startled me awake. It took a few seconds to get my bearings before noticing a heavy weight on my body. I saw Olivia curled up and still asleep on my chest. Her body lifted slowly with my breaths, but her eyelids remained close. I didn’t tell her what happened the day before and never would. She knew better than to ask when she saw something was wrong. So she comforted me in her own way. I heard more knocking on the front door and this time Olivia heard it as well. She stirred from her slumber and rubbed her eyes while letting out a massive yawn.

  “Well… morning,” I said, trying to smile.

  Her hair was unkempt as always, blonde strands matted and clinging to her forehead. Her face was dirty and coated with a layer of sweat. She only grinned back. Lifting her gently up and away, I stood from the couch.

  “You stay here. Right here,” I instructed, pointing at the ground directly in front of her. After yesterday, she’d be lucky to go outside ever again. Olivia nodded, and took a seat on the couch.

  I walked to the front door, no idea who could be knocking. I doubted Kyle and Susan would be back, not for a few days at the least. So that left exactly no one I should be expecting.

  I looked through my usual peep hole and a very fat leg clogged most of the view. I could hear whispering, but I didn’t immediately recognize the voices. They spoke quickly and quietly, and it seemed so very early. I hadn’t slept in so long that everything seemed strange and dulled. I was still adjusting, but I couldn’t ignore the pounding on the door.

  “What is it?” I asked. I didn’t open the door.

  The crowd outside fell silent. They didn’t talk, or move, just stood there frozen.

  “Well?” I asked. “I’m in no mood.” After what happened the day before, I didn’t think I’d ever open my door again. The rest of the world could just stay outside.

  “We have to talk,” Kelly said.

  “I don’t want to talk about it, Kelly,” I sighed. That fiery personality never got an answer from me about what happened yesterday. I couldn’t tell her, as I could hardly fathom it myself. I’d eventually tell her, just not right now. Of course she didn’t exactly like that answer.

  “Jackson, fuck, just let us in! It’s not that, man! It’s something else,” Kelly said, agitation in her voice.

  I knew she wasn’t going away. Sighing heavier I twisted the locks on the door. Kelly pushed her way past me, followed shortly by the pudgy redhead and his sister.

  “We have to talk,” Kelly insisted.

  Ricky turned around and shut the door, making sure to turn the locks back in place. That was odd. He shot a gaze at me that had an edge to it. Yesterday he was only full of dread. Plus he didn’t know what happened either. This look was different. His hair was greased out in all directions and sweat poured all over him.

  “Whatcha looking at?” Ricky sneered. At least that was normal. I sighed and waved towards the table in the middle of the floor. The two younger siblings obeyed, taking seats, but the fiery one remained standing, looking ready to explode. I couldn’t tell what this was about, but I was sure I’d find out soon enough.

  “So, what is it?” I asked. Olivia peeked her head through the entryway. I glared at her until she disappeared back into the living room. Bringing my attention back to the three guests, I saw the pudgy kid and his tall sister repeatedly looking at each other and back to me. Kelly remained confidently crazy, and near ready to burst with whatever she was holding in. She paced back and forth, either deep in thought or trying not to detonate.

  “Shit. Damn it. You even know? No, you can’t know yet. I mean this is fucked up. This is…” Kelly stuttered. She threw up her hands in revulsion and shook with absolute wrath. The brother and sister remained silent, unwilling or unable to speak while I knew that it was best to allow Kelly to let out her anger.

  “This is some broken, bullshit, sadistic, angry, bitching thing. It doesn’t even make sense! The damn people are going fucking wild down there!” Kelly exclaimed.

  I spotted Olivia once again peeking in. I pointed and made the sternest face I could, and she ran to her room, knowing she shouldn’t be hearing words like these.

  “I’m not following,” I said, throwing my hands in the air. I had a pounding headache, and felt slightly sick to my stomach. The damn vodka always hit me wrong, even only a few gulps.

  Kelly’s voice was loud enough to echo in the tiny room, and between my ears. “How about you two?” I asked, eying Jamie. Maybe she could be more concise because I had no idea what the hell Kelly was carrying on about.

  Jamie didn’t initially answer. She remained fixated on her brother, as if encouraging him to answer for her. Surprisingly, he remained tight-lipped.

  “She doesn’t know a damn thing. They only know what I told them!” Kelly yelled. She was out of tune, and so lost in her own anger that she was turning blue in the cheeks. The brother and sister turned away, and leaned further away from Kelly, trying not to get involved.

  “Okay,” I said slowly. “Let’s start from the beginning.” I went over to the wall, leaning a shoulder against the peeling wallpaper and crossed my arms. My vision remained blurry and I wasn’t completely awake. Having to deal with Kelly this early sucked. She was so loud my head was ringing.

  Kelly continued her rant, though I wasn’t really listening. I just couldn’t find my attention. Her voice cracked, sharpened, and whistled with angry plight, but the words threaded together in a string of nonsensical ideas. Her voice carried on until it abruptly stopped. I looked around the room, noticing that the three of them were watching me.

  “What the hell!” Kelly shrieked. She stormed up to me, and stuck a fist in my chest, thundering about my lackadaisical attitude. She scared the world out of me, even though she was half my size.

  “I’m listening, I’m listening, just take it down a notch,” I pleaded. “I have no idea what you’re saying. Just…” I wasn’t given a chance to finish. Kelly punched my chest even harder, and whatever anger was left inside her boiled out.

  “I’m trying to fucking tell you!” She whispered fiercely. “There is some crazy shit going down in this city, messed up stuff! Okay, get this.” She paused briefly, gaining some sort of grip on herself. “After you left the Palmers’… I went back in later that day.”

  “You did what?” I shuddered at the thought, but I shouldn’t have expected anything different from her.

  “There was nothing there. I don’t know what the hell you guys were freaking out about; the house was empty. Anyway, that’s not my point. After I left that house I went Downtown because I needed supplies. That’s where I saw IT.” She paused again. “It’s on the side of a fucking building, dude! Numbers, big, big, numbers!”

  Kelly trailed off, lost in thought as if something mysteriously popped into her head. I struggled to follow, but she wasn’t giving me much to go on.

  What numbers?

  Ricky
waved me over. He had something on his mind that needed to be let loose. I hoped it was more than just a joke. Pushing myself off the wall, I left Kelly behind for a second to figure out what Ricky wanted. He moved away from his sister and looked like he wanted me to follow.

  “What is it?” I asked.

  “Bats, she’s out of her damn mind,” he said. That was Ricky’s nickname for Kelly. I didn’t exactly get the description, if it had reference or meaning. “She came flying up here this morning pounding on our door like this hare-brained creeper thing. I figured she was going mad. Jamie though it best we let her in before she broke down the door.” He sneered and looked back at his sister. “Bats has been going on and on. I don’t know what she thinks it is but…”

  Ricky stopped, as if prying ears had suddenly fixated on him. He glanced around, praying that Bats wasn’t listening. He saw Kelly glaring at him and he cocked his head sideways and trembled. I couldn’t help but laugh, on the inside of course. Kelly was absolutely the most chilling when like this, aimed and loaded, pointing directly at you, and her aim was straight on the little chubby redhead.

  “You fat little bastard,” she hissed. “I’m not fucking crazy! I know exactly what I saw, ooooooohhhhhh I swear I’ll bash your skull in!” She came flying with fists raised and ready to rain down punishment.

  Ricky backed into me, shaking and wheezing. If he hadn’t yet, I feared he’d might piss his pants. Pushing the little guy away, I caught the frenzied girl in midflight and held her tight. She pulsated with unadulterated anger and her language raised another few degrees. She slapped against my grip, and clawed at my arms, trying to drag herself to the red-haired kid.

  “Easy Kelly, easy. Calm down. Focus on me. Come on, settle…,” I said as she thrashed. It was some time before she reached some level calm. Her pulse relaxed, and gained a steady rhythmic thumping. She looked up at me, and I saw clarity and trust.

  “You have to go see it,” she said as she became docile, her voice somber. “Look, I realize how I sound, like some lunatic, but there is some serious shit happening Downtown. I’m not talking about the turning—it’s something else, and I just know you’ll understand it.”

  I released her, no longer worried she’d jump on Ricky the first chance she got. Her rage was spent. Instead she walked to the front door, unlocked it, and went running into the sunshine. I stood mystified, completely confused by the one-sided conversation.

  “Utterly, bat-shit, crazy,” Ricky announced.

  I still didn’t understand the reference, but didn’t care.

  “Anyway, little miss crazy isn’t exactly alone in what she saw. Word’s been that some crazy shit…” Ricky said, making air quotes while performing a pretty decent Kelly impression “…did happen overnight. Can’t say what it is, but it’s apparently big.”

  Ricky stood at the doorway looking outside. His sister joined him, but she didn’t make as much as a peep. I stood behind them, trying to forcibly push them out without physically resorting to that. I was completely done with this interaction.

  “Let’s just clear our heads, maybe get some rest, and you two go home,” I insisted as I took another step forward, my aura of unwillingness pushing the two through the door. I wanted them gone, and any story of whatever was happening Downtown was the furthest thing from my mind.

  Images of the Palmer’s house still plagued my mind, and nothing could accompany those pictures and thoughts right this second. Ricky seemed to recognize my unwillingness and gave me a look of curiosity, and a slightly crooked smile. Something was brewing inside his thick skull, and it was about to come out.

  “It’s a timer,” Ricky said.

  I shrugged. It didn’t mean much to me, a timer or whatever it was.

  Ricky bit his lip and said, “It’s inside the barrier…”

  Chapter 5: A walk Amongst Ruin

  The statement was simple and direct. Ricky didn’t have to say anything else, and he knew it. He beamed with some sort of self-absorbed pride, as if he’d won a competition. The brother and sister departed without a goodbye, and I was left alone with my thoughts. The declaration stopped me in my tracks, over-thinking, reasoning the words into something logical. Yet there was no reason or explanation. It was simply unthinkable.

  The words kept repeating in my mind. It’s inside the barrier. It’s inside the barrier. Ricky’s voice rang out loud even though he’d gone. It made more sense than the entirety of Kelly’s argument, or whatever that was supposed to be. With a few simple words my perception had changed. I was being pulled back Downtown, to everything that I had known and hated, where I was hated.

  “Olivia, we’re leaving. Grab some clothes for the night.” I instructed.

  I had already decided, or I should say Ricky decided for me. Olivia didn’t question, but disappeared into her room. It gave me the chance to grab my gun. I opened the metal cabinet door with my key, and grabbed the gun and a clip, shoving the clip into my front pocket and the gun into my waistband.

  “Where are we going?” Olivia asked as she crossed over the old carpet, coming to halt before me.

  She smirked up at me, but I couldn’t even bear a smile in response. Instead I just put a hand on the back of her head, and nodded toward the opened front door. She was a bit taken aback, as she was never allowed to go outside, or at least hadn’t been for a while. Keeping her in arm’s reach, we crossed the road and B-lined it for the only two people I trusted besides myself and Olivia.

  ***

  “What’s down there?” Susan asked. I had tried to explain the morning’s events. How Ricky, Jamie, and Kelly came to my door in utter disarray, and just how different the Kelly had been this morning after returning from her foray into the city. As I sat there clarifying the ordeal, it sounded bizarre even to me, but I could already feel myself moving into the unknown. I knew I needed to be down there. Whatever this timer was or wasn’t, if it sat within the barrier then it was important, probably the most significant thing to occur since I woke up without any memories two years ago.

  Susan was far more skeptical than I. Her eyes narrowed and she was deep in thought. For me to so willingly venture to a place where I was no longer welcomed was beyond strange. She probably thought I’d gone crazy. I offered a glance at Kyle, who still wasn’t himself. He must have been lost in those images from the Palmers. I would be too if it wasn’t for this new development, and yet they still lingered in the background, those memories.

  “Kelly wasn’t clear, but Ricky said something too interesting to ignore. I wouldn’t be going if it wasn’t, trust me,” I said as I twisted on the couch, feeling uneasy about the whole ordeal.

  I trusted Susan and Kyle, but leaving Olivia with them, even for a day, felt wrong. I knew that, eventually, sooner or later, this would cause a world of trouble. I had to go, though, and I sure as hell wasn’t going to put Olivia in danger.

  Olivia looked up at me. She was caught between betrayal and sadness, questioning why I had to go. She didn’t understand why I had to leave her here. Olivia didn’t remember how bad it got down there. The gunshots, the blood, all the things from those early days. She blocked them out and forgot them. Even if things weren’t the same didn’t mean I was going to change my mind about bringing her now.

  “Well, you know we’re more than willing to watch Olivia,” said Susan.

  She turned to Kyle who was lost in a daze. Susan looked worried. Kyle probably hadn’t shared what happened at the Palmer’s, or at least hadn’t yet. I was sure Kyle would break his silence, and then she’d wish he hadn’t.

  “When do you expect to be back?” Susan asked, swinging her attention back my way.

  “Less than a day. Perhaps early afternoon, I really don’t want to be caught down there after sunset,” I said. There were a few gangs left Downtown dangerous enough to make me weary. Murders still happened. Apparently cannibalism was still occurring. Lucky, there was still law enforcement down there in the form of a few still trying to handle such a burden. Joey a
nd his crew of officers tried their best to keep order in a disorderly world. Though I wondered if they know about the Palmers. Would Joey do anything about that, considering we live up here?

  I stood up. I could feel the handgun’s cold metal surface brush my back in my waistband. There wasn’t a way around not being armed when going back to a place that despised me. Olivia was a melting pot of emotions. She probably believed I wouldn’t return.

  “Thanks again,” I said.

  Susan smiled and got up. She wrapped her arms around me and hugged me deeply. She leaned in close and whispered, “You just come back whole.” She smiled again.

  Kyle seemed to break his trance for a moment. He came over, grabbed me by the neck, and brought me close. He didn’t have much to say, but he had been listening, and at least expressed his own heart-felt goodbye.

  “Stay safe, my friend,” Kyle whispered.

  “I will. I promised someone already,” I said without having to look back at Olivia. The little girl suddenly clung to me, and wrapped her little arms around my waist. I looked down at her and knew I shouldn’t be leaving, that we should just go back home and forget about this craziness, but I couldn’t.

  “It’s okay… it will be okay,” I whispered. I picked up Olivia and held her in my arms. She didn’t whine, didn’t shake or hyperventilate at my departure. She would miss me I know. She just hugged me with her arms around my neck, silently wishing for me not to leave. I put her down, and without hesitation walked straight out the door and into the world.

  Walking down this familiar street, as I’d done roughly two years ago, I realized that much hadn’t changed. Everything was fragmented: the memories, the surroundings, the people, all broken and in disrepair. We lived on in the destruction that we didn’t remember happening, in another time we didn’t recall living.

  There used to be a river that gushed only a short distance from the street off to the right side. With The Forgetting destroying any notion of knowing how to survive, that river brought fresh water to us and our dying thirst. It was one of the only things in this new life to celebrate and hold onto.